Fair goes the dancing when the Sitar is tuned.
Tune us the Sitar neither high nor low,
And we will dance away the hearts of men.
But the string too tight breaks,
and the music dies.
The string too slack has no sound, and the music dies.
There is a middle way.
Tune us the Sitar neither low nor high.
And we will dance away the hearts of men.
–The Buddha

 My Yoga instructor started yesterday’s class with the above quote, and it struck a primally deep chord within me.

The key to tuning the Sitar to the middle way, to tuning your practice to your truth, is self-awareness. In practicing Yoga poses, it’s vital to be self-aware in order to avoid injury and to find the deeper truths within the practice. It’s not about “winning” yoga. It’s not about keeping up with those around you, it’s about listening to your body and responding to its truth. Not pushing too hard just because Miss Really Flexible is next to you, or just because you think you should be able to do more. And not avoiding poses because you don’t like them or you find them difficult. It’s about listening to your body and your thoughts, paying attention, and responding without judgement, to what is, not to what you think should be. To allow and accept your truth in that moment.

This has really come home to me in my art practice too. I’ve been talking about it, thinking about it, and thinking I understood it for a very long time now. But when I met that stone wall and finally let myself take a retreat, I realized that I only knew the words, not the meaning behind them. I was only saying it, not living it. I still let myself get caught up in the trap of expectations, of culturally- and self-imposed “shoulds”. I compare my progress and successes and habits to those of other artists, and to what I have somehow incorporated into my own inflated expectations and find myself lacking because I somehow think their truth should be my truth too. I should be able to paint for a solid 8 hours a day, every day, no matter what. I should be able to market constantly and sell constantly. I should be able to keep on slogging with out getting in the least bit defeated by disappointments and setbacks. I should be able to… I think you get the idea. Is it any wonder I come up short?! These are not my truths.

I had tuned the Sitar string too tightly and the music died. I forgot that living into my truth is the success I truly need.

When I allowed myself to take a retreat from being an “Artist” with a capital A, when I allowed myself to stop listening to all those “shoulds”, I finally allowed myself to start truly listening to and accepting my truth – perhaps for the first time ever. The challenge of course is to not tune the string too slack, so I play in my sketchbooks, and I gently and mindfully ease back into my studio practice, and I endeavor to let my truth continue to guide me. Being in the studio is so much more easeful now, more playful, and more open to inspiration. It’s still hard work, but it’s enjoyable work again.

So I will do my utmost to stay on the middle way, knowing that I will most certainly falter and get sidetracked. But I will try to be aware and nonjudgmental when this happens, and I will try to remember these words from the Buddha and let them bring this Sitar back into tune.